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Friday, November 13, 2015

Bukan merajuk pun..



Lama sangat mar berdiam dan membeku tahun ni, sebenarnya apa yang mar buat sepanjang 2015 ni ?

Semenjak hilangnya MH370 dan MH17, mar dah mula rasa sesuatu dalam diri.
Hidup kita ni macam daun di pepohonan. Bila bila masa sahaja kita akan gugur ke bumi bila tiba waktunya.
Cara kita gugur ke tanah tu ada bermacam macam cara..

Sebelum umur mar menginjak 30, ada banyak sangat impian mar dalam dunia ni. Semua impian mar, mar kongsi dengan Abang Fuad. Memang tergelak kadang kadang kalau dengar..
Tapikan, bila nombor 30 menjadi satu realiti yang perlu ditempuh, banyak sangat perkara yang menyedarkan mar..dunia ini bukan lah segalanya.. Nampak mudah untuk melepaskannya, tapi sebenarnya tidak.

Mar sekarang dah mula perlahan di mana mana social networks. Bukan rasa diri bagus dan alim pun..Mar lebih suka melihat perkembangan kehidupan rakan rakan lain, dan apa yang mereka tempuhi setiap hari.
Bila kita mula melihat, dan mendengar dengan mata hati, kita akan rasa bersyukur seadanya dengan apa yang kita peroleh pada hari ini.

Rakan rakan mar ada yang kini bertarung dengan penyakit. . Ada yang mengalami kemurungan dengan nasib yang menimpa dirinya..Ada rakan rakan mar yang baru kehilangan ibu atau ayahnya..Ada rakan mar yang tidak berjaya dalam perkahwinannya..Ada rakan mar yang dilimpahi kejayaan dan kekayaan tetapi sebenarnya mengambil ubat stress dan ubat tidur setiap hari..Ada rakan rakan mar yang baru mengalami keguguran kandungan kali ke 5.. Ada rakan rakan mar yang menanggung sakit tulang belakang yang kronik.. Ya Allah..mereka adalah orang orang yang mar kenal,sayang  dan pernah berkongsi sebahagian sejarah hidup bersama sama..

Bila mar membaca dan mengetahui kisah mereka, mar tertanya dalam diri..”Apa lagi yang aku nak bebelkan lagi dalam blog ni “.. Rakan rakan aku hari hari bertarung setiap pagi, tak kan lah aku nak jaja pula kisah hidupku . Bukannya penting pun aku pada dunia. Ada lagi orang yang memerlukan bantuan dan kasih sayang yang perlu diberi.

Sekarang tak banyak benda dan perkara mengujakan diri mar. Mar takut jika mar terlalu pegang pada keduniaan, dunia akan memeluk erat mar. .. dan bila sampainya masa daun mar gugur ke bumi..mar takut mar rasa susah untuk melepaskan segala yang mar ada di dunia ini.

Mar rasa kagum lihat kedua ibu dan ibu mertua mar. Hidup mereka hanya untuk berbakti pada keluarga , anak dan cucu. Tapi, bila lihat sinar kerlipan mata mereka, ada kepuasan dalam kehidupan mereka.

Benarlah kata orang. Hidup tanpa bahagia itu seperti patung yang tidak bernyawa. Tiada makna dalam kehidupan kita. Untuk mendapat kebahagiaan itu, tidak lain dan tidak bukan dengan memberi kebahagiaan ke dalam kehidupan seseorang.
Jadi, terima kasih sangat bukan rakan rakan maya yang mar mungkin tidak kenal secara peribadi. Message message  anda di dalam inbox ,sudah mar baca lama. Bukan mar tidak mahu menulis tahun ni.. cuma kehidupan mar biasa biasa sahaja kini.. Tiada apa yang menarik untuk dikongsi..

Kadang-kadang jika mar rindu untuk menulis, mar akan tulis sesuatu di FB mar. Mungkin itu boleh jadi penawar bagi anda yang rindu membaca tulisan mar.

Salam sayang buat semua .
AKmar

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Goodbye D



Well hello there?

Every time when I actually started to write, I know it has been a while.

Basically, Fuad and I are officially at a new phase of life. Our maid had run away, and we only knew the news when her cousin called us to inform on her latest update.  I am currently a mom of two without a helper. Please excuse me for schmoozing about this. I never had an experience handling my two kids without a helper, and I was always mesmerized and adore my friends and mothers out there who can survive without a helper.

D was our maid. We love her dearly and we even recognized her as part of family. I asked my kids to refer her as kakak, because she is my family. I was bit regret because she hid it from us. After all, we are a family, don't we ? If I knew it, I would congratulate her or maybe we could fly to Medan to witness the ceremony. I don’t know how to react at first. I cried silently in my room after I ended my telephone conversation with Kak Suci; her so called cousin.

We need to make a decision. The kids need to be sent to kindergarten/pre-school/playschool for someone to look after them when we both are working. We made some visits to 3 pre-schools who can accept them both. It was never an easy job to make this crucial decision. Hence, we have narrowed down 2 schools who we think are the best for Fariss and Fadwa. Furthermore, they both don’t need to be separated and we are relieved to hear that.

Fuad and I are still adjusting to these new changes in our life. I am handling the household chores with Fuad. The kitchen area is my part, the laundry part I leave it to Fuad since he is doing it like a pro. We will do the vacuum thingy and overall cleaning every weekend. Fuad and I are a bit fussy regarding cleanliness. We love to see everything is organized and in order. Hence, I am in a right team, Thank God.
What I discovered when we started to live without a helper are:

1.       I have more privacy space with my husband. (He can kiss me on my cheek whenever he wants to)
2.       It makes my kids more independent on their own without relying solely from their ‘kakak’.
3.       The four of us have become a ‘team’ literally. The kids want to help us with our chores, and we help to assist them in any ways possible.
4.       Fadwa has become clingier than ever with me. She used to be so closed with her kakak that sometimes I felt so envious with their bonding.
5.       I think I am now in a better shape and figure from all the fats and calories burned from the ‘exercise’ I did at home. It is only a duplex condo, but running up and down ,cleaning the toilets, chasing the kids , put the kids in the toilet to bath and clean them, etc are just similar like doing squats, pushups or jump squats hahaha.

I am trying to become more organize so that I won’t feel too stressful to handle everything on my own. At the first few weeks, I was so demotivated and down, I would cried easily if I am too tired. My dad saw this shortcoming, so he drove his car from JB to calm me down with his soothing words. I felt so overwhelmed and loved by my parents. Changing to a new phase in life is never easy. I don’t want to lose this battle. If some working moms out there that I know could handle these tasks and responsibilities smoothly, why can’t I?

So D, I don’t want to hold a grudge over you. I don't want to live in hatred.. It doesn’t make me a better person. So I forgive you.Thank you for your help over these years. I hope we have treated you well. I wish you all the best.

P/s : The kids have recently discharged from the hospital due to food poisoning . We are now currently staying at my MIL’s house. The real challenge will await us next week. Please pray for the smooth sailing journey of our life.  Fariss, Fadwa, mama and babah love you both so much. Mama knows we can all handle and cope this together !

I honestly think, writing is a good way to keep me on track and sane . I can voice out what my inner heart  feels. I am just hoping that I will have more time like this, sitting quietly without a distraction, and happily dancing with my 10 little fingers.

Friday, June 19, 2015

First day of Ramadhan



Assalamualaikum wbt

It’s our second day of Ramadhan. Alhamdulillah it’s a lot better for me this year as I have stopped pumping milk during office hour starting last month. Fadwa almost turn 2 within couple of months and I was super busy during days and nights on weekdays. I had some stuff to do.. You know..being an engineer nothing is near to a glamorous lifestyle. We work to serve our clients, we do our best to maintain and fully utilize our block of machines and equipment so that we could deliver the service at the optimum efficiency. I am working in a field of telecommunication technology and it has greatly affected the lives of many people in many ways. Our clients always want the optimum service to be delivered to them; hence working day and night are just like bread and butter to us.

Ok, enough with work. It has caused me a long hiatus period from blogging.. Boring… next!

I am super excited to welcome Ramadhan this year. We have re arranged our couches and positioned them close to our main wall to give a bigger space to our living room. It will give us ample space to recite the quran, perform the prayers and qiam together. We don’t want to distract the kids who sleep upstairs.

My parents came on the first night of Tarawikh. Dad had a meeting on Wednesday in KL and mom followed him. They stayed until 10:30 p.m. at my house and after completed our first tarawikh together, dad drove back to JB. It was only a quick visit but I am truly blessed. 

The first day of Ramadhan was quite tiring. I had to test some stuff at our lab located in Cyberjaya before presenting the outcome of the result to the rest. The room is sooooo cold.. They have lines of big rack of servers and machines. These machines need to be maintained in a very cool temperature. There were about 12 to 14 air-conditioners in the room. The room is not that big though. So you could imagine I was freezing working in the room. The temperature was the cause of my instant dehydration of my first day of Ramadhan. I think I will be needed to stay there for a couple of days more according to my supervisor. 



Alhamdulillah, so far I have survived my first day of Ramadhan.

So how was your first day of Ramadhan? Share them with me  :-)

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Well hello 2015!



Assalamualaikum wbt

It’s now June 2015..and this is my first entry of this year… well done akmar..well done!

Just when I was about to think to ignore this private space of mine, just when I thought writing is not so cool anymore nowadays because it has been replaced by Instagram  ,just and just…then I finally realized I have lost my memories for the past almost a year.

Photograph does wonder. Some say a photo speaks a thousand words. Indeed. I am not going to disagree with this, but to go into details of every emotion at specific special events that took place in life; I honestly think that a blog or a diary with photos do it better.

The main obstacle for me is time. I don’t have lots of time nowadays to keep my memories and my feelings alive on a blog. 

Some of my close friends have passed away recently..It really hit me hard to my heart. I don’t want to die while hating other people, I don’t want to die while being hated by others, I don’t want to die without telling to the people I love and care so much that I love ,forgive, and always pray for their happiness everyday…I just want them to know that their happiness are my happiness. 

Meanwhile, Fadwa and Fariss are going to turn 2 and 4 this year. They are really the jewels of my heart. Abang Fuad is well, lovely and more emotionally stable this year. I saw tremendous changes in him this year which I feel overwhelmed by his positive energy that he spread around the house and through the kids. You know, juggling between studies and working is never been easy to anyone, especially to a doctor who has to take care of his family as his first priority. I never say it in details like this, but as your partner, and your wife..I am so proud of your effort to become the best of you. As long as Allah is lending my physical body and soul to be your life partner in duniaa, I will not going anywhere but right here next to you to forever support anything good that you do. 

I have few photos from some important events in my life that I will post and write about later. I hope time will be good to me this time. You better be!

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Sweet escape + sweet temptation



You don’t have to be cool or pretend to be one just to be accepted by the society.
Life is not meant to please others because along the roads you will be facing lots of rejections, pains and miseries. Live this worldly life for the sake of Allah and the main objective is only to get His blessings.

I am by far NOT a cool person. Some people tend to judge or perceive me as a weird person. Sometimes I am the loudest person with a biggest laugh ever; sometimes I can shut myself totally from the rest. I love to give some space to myself, to digest and ponder the things happenings around me.

Thank you Abang Fuad for placing your trust in me all these while. You never judge me though. He was once mentioned to my mother that one of the criteria that he is attracted to me is my independent nature. 

Even in the closest of relationships, each person at times needs space. That is time to be alone, time to just be. Even as a couple, we are still two individuals and to grow as a couple, we must also be permitted to grow as an individual.

I cannot thank enough for those who accepted me as the way I am. I promise I am going to spend more quality times with you, and try to be a better wife, mom, daughter, friend, colleague etc.

After a 4 consecutive days in a row I had little time on a good night sleep due to my little munchkins at home, I decided to pamper myself with a good quality me-time during lunch break. I drove to Ampang from PJ, and had my Caramel Swirl Latte while enjoying my favorite book.

Calories are still under control according to MyFitnessPal. 

Mission accomplished.

I feel better now. I am ready to response positively to both of you munchkins!