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Thursday, April 30, 2009

A thought of a day


I’m feeling totally down and gloomy just like the weather today when the sun is so shy that made it hide behind the clouds or maybe the clouds outshine the sun. Life is like a market trend; at times it shoots up and sometimes it goes down. I hope I will have enough courage to face the reality of this life. Experiences will teach us to be a better person. That is what I believe so far.

Speaking of the market, I took down the offer from the company that I went for the 3 day training course as after a deep conversation with my both parents and in-laws and hubby.I was supposed to sign in the letter of agreement in Mr Ryan's office today instead I called him this morning and told him politely I can't do this job. I was tired all the time when I came back from work thus bed was the best remedy to pamper my body, and that was when I failed to remember to discuss about my job scope at the first place with them.

Financial business is something out of my league and I knew perfectly it won’t fit me forever. But, the main point here is I just discovered that trading money with money in order to get big shot of money is clearly Haram in Islam. Why I never know about this? Simple to answer; my knowledge is still not enough. I am glad to be surrounded by people who understand about Islamic financial where I can refer to them anytime. At least I realized it early before being involved with business where people's money is being gambled and at risk constantly. What I am thinking now is how about the rest of Muslim people out there who do not have a clear understanding of this matter and what make it worst is they do not have anyone to refer to. Government should play a vital role to correct the misconception regarding this matter. Opps, I don’t think they will do that since the politic agenda is more important above all.

Now, since I am still jobless I think I will have enough time to put my lazy ass on the couch and read my favorite novel or maybe I’ll wait for the next episode of America’s next top model to be downloaded in youtube by miss “TVnetwork2”. :-)

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

my updated news

It’s hard to get back the stimulation of writing after I left it for a while. I was busy with the final exams and tried out to fill in as many forms as possible to get hired by company. I attended an interview with one of the companies located around area of PJ. I prefer not to mention it here to give some space of my private life. During childhood, I always had a dream to be a successful businesswoman. It kept playing on my mind till now. I never regret when I did my degree in totally a different field of study from what I have dream of. Learning good knowledge is always been encouraged in my religion. So, there’s nothing to lose here but everything to gain.

The company called me again for a 3 day training course before proceeds with the next exams and 2nd interview. It’s totally new for me when I first heard of “Forex” “Commodity” “Bon” et cetera but it surprised me when I am interested to learn it and learning it become such an enjoyment and pleasure to myself. Even though the people there are mostly non –muslim and the life-style is so modern like I used to practice before, but it make me challenge myself to overcome this new environment in a good way. It’s hard to say that I didn’t feel awkward being around them but they are just really nice to me and the managers are trying their best to find my inner potential. Hence, for now I know a bit on how to predict the current market trend, when is the exact time people can do transaction of their money to gain profit, and how to handle the risk of losing money to make it minimize. In short, if people would like to invest certain amount of money, they will need my advice before doing the trading to ensure they will gain more profit with a small probability of loss. It sounds interesting right?

But, honestly it’s quite tiring since I have to travel by LRT and bus because the parking fee is outrageous. Per day my RM20 will be gone if I dare to park the car there. Since I was lack of this information, today I naively parked my car in B2 and my Rm20 just disappeared in the “machine”.

Usually in a day, my husband and I will make sure we spend enough time together to chat about our daily life. Since undergoing this training course requires a lot of time, energy, thinking skills and of course money, (Huhu) sometimes when I came back late, I was completely flat and sleepy with no energy. I think I’ve abandoned him for a while even though he never mentioned it. When he returned home from hospital after completed his on-call routine I could only see him eating joyfully with my almost closed eyes.

Tomorrow will be the last day of the course and they will do the second interview for the trainees. The big boss is coming for formality purpose. I have to think clearly about this since career is important to me but on top of that I rather choose my health, marriage and my happiness.

Oh, I have to go early tomorrow. And the light is off. Good night everyone.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

It's better late than never

Another one more week to go and I am going to get rid from all these hectic student life! My next step in life after this would be a job hunting activity during economic slump period! (That sounds tough) Wow. Time passes by so quickly and sometimes I feel my life changing drastically. Looking back to my old life, and there’s not an inch that I regret of. My past made me of who I am now.

As far as I can remember, my family never approved me as a cook in our home. I always spoiled the meal when I tried to cook it alone. Even my little sister is way too good to compare with me. Hence, if I helped everybody at home to prepare our meal, I knew exactly my job; standing in front of the sink waiting for the dishes to wash them. Once, when my mother went for an outstation, my little sister was sitting for SPM paper and my elder sister was working in KL. There’s no one to cook for our dinner. I downloaded a recipe from internet and cooked a meal for my dad and my sister. I went out to the nearest supermarket to buy ingredients for “curry chicken”. That was a perfect time to show my dad I am capable to handle this job.

By the time when my dad arrived home, I said to him “Dad,we don’t have to eat outside today. I have prepared a special meal for us tonight. On the table just before we recite our “doa” before eating, I heard my dad laughed out loud and he said “Is this an overheated barbecue mar?” I said “NOOO. This is a special curry chicken recipe which I downloaded from internet”. When my dad asked me gently to try it first, I was shocked and petrified!!! How could I cook something tasted so badly like this? Not only the chickens were overcooked but I put too much curry and ketchup into it when my mom informed me later on “We don’t put ketchup in curry dear”. God! Finally two days in a row we had our meal outside. That is why my dad always worried of me when I said I want to get married.

I always assumed life as a wife required me to cook and probably my husband will do the laundry; but today, suddenly I discovered it can be the other way around. As my parents-in laws are not around since last 2 days my husband offered himself to cook lunch for both of us. He cooked two meals for us and I cannot deny that the taste was really good. It’s totally wrong for me to underestimate him all these while. Maybe my husband is more talented than me and I'll definitely take this chance to let him teach me to be a better cook. :-)

Even though I am married now, I still called my mom obediently every time when I want to cook something for my new family here and will never failed to let her know how well I cooked for them. From what I have been observed from the past 5 months, my skills have improved somehow. (Wink!Wink!)I know I still have a long journey to master in cooking skills but my perseverance will never let me down. As the old saying goes “It is better late than never

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Flashing back those memories




It was Sunday morning at my working place. Yes, I was doing my internship program at MMC TM at Jln Semarak when suddenly I got a call from my mother. Unfortunately I was in the toilet for my nature call thus Raihan my best mate who worked at the same place with me picked it up. Just when I arrived back at our cubicle, Raihan said in a calm voice as she always is “u got a call from your mom and it’s urgent. You better call her back immediately”. As I could remember, I felt a lightning just hit directly to my heart. Gosh, without any further due I took my phone on the table and called my mom.

” Krrrriinnng Krrrringg” I whispered myself “Please mom pick it up”. “Hello..Mar what are you doing dear? How’s working?...” Just before I let her continue her words I said curiously “Mom, wait! What’s happening there? Let me know the news! “ . It was the exact day that I still remembered when my mom replied in her most sweet tone of voice “Fuad’s mom called me this morning. Instead of coming by for a formal visit this coming Saturday, the family would like to tie the knot of her son with you dear”. Gulp… Then, there were other things that we talked and discussed in the phone before I hung up the phone when immediately Raihan noticed there’s a slight sadness that I could not manage to hide.

I was only a sweet 23 years old daughter in my family. My life was always surrounded with laughter of my siblings; it was always filled in with phone calls from my mom, everyday asking my whereabouts. I have a strong bond with my mom that all my siblings always envy of. By the time I hung up the phone I knew perfectly that my life will be changed forever. It’s not that I’m not happy because it’s every woman’s dream to get married with her perfect prince, but I was just na├»ve to understand all these including the heavy responsibilities await me.

Saturday it was, I sat still in my room looking on the mirror to see the reflection of me as my elder sister knocked on the door. I let her in as I did not want to feel this unusual feeling alone without someone that I love and care always. She hugged me and uttered on my ear “Everything will be fine. Don’t worry too much about it.” I felt peaceful with those words even though there are simple but to me it was like a guarantee from her that this decision I made is the best one for me.

As agreed from both families, my wedding will be held five months after my engagement day. I heard lots of talk from people around me saying that I am too young to get married plus I have another semester to go to finish my degree hence it’s impossible for me to balance my life onwards. On the day before my wedding day, our neighbors, and my parents’ friends came up to our home to give help. Meanwhile I sat quietly in my room while my best friend Ryia Illani expressed her creativity on decorating my hands with henna. Even though the henna is not as perfect as it should be, we are very proud of it as we did it together and I did not experience disgrace when I proudly showed it to everyone and said “ Hey look, we did it together!”.

All family members have gathered themselves at our nearby mosque waiting for the solemnization ceremony to begin. As I entered the mosque all the eyes are on me and surprisingly I don’t feel anything. My eyes scanned on the position of my dad, mom, Ani my elder sister and my other siblings ( I don’t have to find Shamin who is my younger sister since she has offered herself to be my bridesmaid and she sat steadily next beside me). “This is it”. I told myself. This is the end of everything. I cannot go back to my home as always as I wanted to; I will leave my family and will be living with a new family of my husband at his home. I will leave behind the place where I called home, the serenity that I always have here and live with a new life of uncertainty. Will I get the same tenderness and love that I have always been used to in my new life?

Right after the ‘akad’ has been said an approved by the members of the families, I could see from one angle my dad wiped his tears and it was the time my tears dropped and it did not stopped. My dad is a tough guy and he never shows his emotion easily and that is when it touched my heart most. Hence, I ran and reached my mom’s hand and asking her forgiveness for my wrongdoings. My mom is a brave woman and she did not cry. She gave me a clear hint that she wanted me to be brave like her. My mom told me “Go and find your dad”. My dad was standing at the back of the crowd facing backward and I believed he was hiding his tears. I gently approached him and hugged him. There is no word that comes out from both of us and we could only hear our own voice. It was emotional indeed. Finally he told me “Be a good wife and a good mother to your children. You will always get my blessing”. I replied “I love you dad”.

I am crying while looking at my family photos. I miss u mom, dad, ani, min, and my sweet lovely home.

Friday, April 3, 2009

IT is all about games



I inherit my dad’s regime daily life which is to read the newspaper in the morning. I will read it before starting my day for I will never feel complete without knowing what has happened yesterday or the current issues that are happening around me. Gladly in my new home here, we still have variety of newspapers from different publishers.

Today, as I scanned and read the paper as usual, there’s one column of news that took my attention into it. At some point I feel mad, angry and in truth it made my mood down. A husband stabbed his wife for 30 times that caused her death in front of his child just because of her playing Playstation with her son.

Since when there is a rule that said technologies and games are meant only for men and women are meant to do all the course work at home alone? Maybe I sound like a feminist here, but the truth is some husbands did not understand that women are also human and they have a desire similar like men. And oh, where did it go the power of a communication and tolerance between husband and wife? Will it put his pride down when seeing her wife playing game and he offered himself to help her doing some of the course work at home? Marriage is about partnership and a partner should support, love, and care each other not to hurt the other.

My husband likes to play games and so do I. Sometimes he sat in front of his table and played his all time favorite “Football Manager” game while I opened up my small size ABC table and pushed the start button of my laptop and quietly played my “Diner Dash” game. We will enjoy the moment of our own time doing our favorite hobby after a hectic day of life. At one time, we were obsessed with “Tumble Bugs” games and we helped each other to finish the whole level of it. It was fun indeed and it strengthens our love towards one another. I am glad to have a husband that totally understand and accepted me the way I am. If I could finish one level of the game he promised that he will do the laundry. I hope he will be same guy I have known even though we have dozen of kids in future.

But who knows. People always change and perhaps what I can do is to put my faith on him.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

A friend of mine



I need a friend, who does not?


The world is governed by this rule since forever. Even though some people are born to be independent, cold hearted etc but there is still a small part in the heart cries out asking for a companionship in life.


I have to admit that i am bubbly and always being honest to my circle of friends but it was not easy for me to take the first step to build a friendship with strangers. I have always put a fine line on it when I found a person that did not match with my personality. It comes so naturally to me. You can say whatever you want because freedom of thought is particularly everyone’s right. I assume this probably happened since i have a sensitive heart firmly planted inside my body for i have been hurt so many times before until it reached a certain level that it no longer allows people to hurt me anymore.


Hmm, to find friends are typically as easy as ABC yet to find a true friend is easier said than done similar to searching a gold coin in a lake full of ducks. To have a dream is not a sin for every lady. I personally have a long list of a perfect friend that i wanted to be around with everyday. I love to be close with a friend that I can talk to and able to be calm albeit in our tough conversation as I like to argue a lot when the point is concrete, a person that i am totally comfortable enough to burp and fart without feeling any kind of embarrassment, a friend that do not judge me based on my appearance and can handle my sarcastic behaviour. What I need most from a friend is an unconditional moral support when I need it most; a friend that can be truly honest with myself and be honest in giving opinions and above all is a friend that i can respect.
And on a one hot evening it was,finally God has heard my prayers.I knew exactly he's the one when i saw him eating gracefully at mamak stall. It was the first place where we met and the rest of it were just the sugary melody we followed that brought us into this marriage. To see his face while sleeping is such an utmost bliss. He is the last piece of jigsaw puzzle that I have been looking for my whole life and he completes me.

" I'll be in the sunlight on your face. I'll be in the rain on your shoes. I'll be in the wind in your hair. I'll be in the blood in your heart... n u will never be alone coz I will be close to you, always and forever"

untitle




The clock is ticking and it wont stop forever. This is the fact that everybody agreed and further discussion is completely unnecessary.Every minutes or maybe every seconds new babies will be born to this world and unknown human beings or our closed ones will die eventually.Life is short and lots of people promoting the idea of "Life is short an enjoy it to the fullest".Oh,corret me if im wrong.

I was once a naive girl being sent away from home to get a good education in a fast pace cosmopolitan city. Being raised as a cold hearted girl in my family lead me to the journey of finding love and attention that i lack of during my chilhood time.It was not my luck when accidentally i hit the wrong button and i was trapped in a black hole for a while.But as the old saying goes" People learned from their mistake and it is the most interesting lesson to be treasured in life" or maybe i created it myself. :)

Everybody has a chance to create their own life and so do I. I learned a lot from the past and it was a good wake up call for me to reestablish my life. Life is not only to enjoy the excitements that our world offered but to contribute something for the betterment of our next generations so that we will not regret for being a human when our final day has come. I do not expect all of us to throw the serial killers,buglars,child molesters or mat rempit that have killed our people into the mouth of sharks or to a deserted island, but what we can do is to love,care and protect our families,neighbours and friends wholeheartedly.At least it is a good start for us.

As for me,im now still in a process of soul searching.This is not funny as it sounds.But honestly this is what I have been working on for the past 2 years.I know exactly who I am but i desperately want to explore myself and find the strength that I have so i can keep focusing on it and reach my goal in life. Maybe throughout years or new experiences in life will make me able to reveal the strentgh that I have. By that time, u will be the first person to know it. Patience is virtue.

Until pen meet paper again.Xoxo

Introduction it is

Assalamualaikum and hello everyone.
Finally i have the courage to start blogging after giving a thought of it for years.
I was always and still impressed with people out there who make their life so transparent and able to share their life journey with others. Please don't take it in a wrong way as i have to admit that i enjoyed reading stories of people and sometimes it made me realised how colorful it is our world.
Oh yes, i think it's better if i start to introduce myself first before i proceed with the stories of my life. To make it short and simple; Full Name : Nur Akmar stop Age: 24 stop Status : Married stop
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