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Friday, May 8, 2009

A tribute to Mama

I had a dream. A dream that was so beautiful. I was playing a firecracker wearing a stunning white knee-length gown in my own fantasy world whiles my mother gazing at me from one corner of the park on a branch. The sky was so bright and the birds flew happily. My mom looked so young seems like her early 30s. We then walked together by the lake with my one hand holding my mom’s hand and the other holding a pink balloon printed on it “Happy “. I remembered clearly that we laughed all the time and had a good time together. Then, I woke up in the night and cried. I have turned to be a lady now and my mother does not hold my hand anymore.

I believe everyone has a story to tell about their mom. Mom; life without a mom is like a body without a soul. A mother loves right from the start when she holds her baby close to her heart. Mommy said I was the biggest and largest when I was born on February 22 1985. We helped each other to get through the pain quickly hence we could save both lives. I helped mommy by kicking her stomach and mommy helped me by pushing me out. Unfortunately it was mommy alone who felt the pain. I cried out loud because this world was so strange to me and it was my first attempt to breathe on my own so mommy put me on her arms and her face looked so calm.

A hero is someone who is idealized or held in esteem for superior qualities or deeds of any kind. My hero is my mother. She is beautiful, strong, caring, loving and devoted. I do not think that even a thesaurus has enough synonyms to depict her. I suppose that she possesses the qualities of a true hero.

My mother is extremely strong. She has experienced many difficult obstacles and decisions in her life but has faced each one with integrity and courageousness. Through it all she has managed to keep food on the table and keep a roof over our heads. She has also made sure that her three daughters had a good education and did not mind at all to attend our school ceremony alone.

During childhood I was scared of the dentist. When I first came to the clinic, I was one of the children in the world who created a major problem to the dentist; I kicked hard the dentist together with the nurses. I ran out from the clinic and my mom grabbed my hand and told me everything will be ok.” I’m here for you”. Afterwards, sometimes my mom would pull out my teeth on her own and I would squeeze her arms until it left few bruises. She never complained though.. If I really had to go see the dentist onwards, she would sit on the chair next to me and steadfastly promised to reward me with a big box of colour pencils since I love colouring so much or other small presents that she could afford to buy for me so that I won’t kick the dentist yet again.

I was the most badly behaved daughter when I was small. I would stare mommy's eyes if she scolds me. I could sit and locked myself in my room for the whole day if I had a big fight with my big sister. I sent mommy lots of letters at late nights under her door if I wanted to express my feeling towards her. Mommy never gets panic with my behaviour. She told me it happens sometimes in a family where some of the children wanted attention from the parents and I was one of them.

Eight years ago when I was 16, I never thought I would be sick. When my friends lined up to prepare for congregational prayer, I stood up to be in the line but suddenly I felt dizzy and fainted.... The rest I could not remember until I was in the clinic and the doctors injected me 4 times on my hips and the ambulance brought me to the hospital immediately. My friend told me when I was fainted the warden called my parents and they were there while I was in the clinic. To make it short, doctors explained to my parents ‘there is something growing inside my both ovaries. If I come later than this, the growing cell inside me could explode in my body. They need to investigate whether it is a cyst cell or a cancer cell. If it is a cyst cell, it is good news because they can just open my stomach and my ovary and take out the cyst but if it is a cancer cell it will be more difficult because I have to go through chemotherapy’. Mom looked horrified but I understood nothing. I had to stay for two nights in the hospital so that doctors could take as much blood as they wanted for a lab test. Mom companied me at night and I heard her pray to God to make my pain stop soon. I cried quietly not because the needles hurt my skin and my nerves, but because I could not bear to see her crying because of me.... When we waited in the hospital for the lab test to be announced one month after that, mom didn’t talk at all. She gazed at the floor and her face was pale. Then the nurse called my number and we entered the room together. Thankfully the result was good. Mom hugged me immediately and said ‘Alhamdulillah’.

When I was 20 I was admitted in the hospital again because the doctors in UIA suspected me having a TB disease. I had a blood stained cough during that time. I had a fever for almost 2 weeks and there was no sign I am getting better. I swallowed 2 painkillers so that I could take a bus to JB that night. I did not want to be alone in the hospital without mommy. My sister brought me to UTM clinic. My blood pressure (BP) was too low and I lost a lot of water in my body hence they gave me IV drip immediately. Two hours later they woke me up to conduct x-ray. While the medical assistant asked me to stand up so that he can take my x-ray, I collapsed on the floor (I saw lots of black stars!).My BP dropped further more. So, an ambulance came and brought me to Hospital Sultanah Aminah JB (HSAJB). I was warded for a week in ICU and this time I was really in a pain. I could not even go to the toilet on my own. Mom always helped me even though I said to her I am shy. I was helpless and mom at all times gave her best smile to make me happy. The doctors in UIA predicted it wrongly; it' was not a TB but a chest infection. In so far as I could remember it was the longest time that I have ever spent with mom. She was on my side 24/7 days. At night I sometimes had a scary dreams and I shouted for help in my sleep. It was the time when my temperature shoot up until 47C. In the morning she told me about it and we laughed together like it was a funny joke. I knew perfectly from her big eye bag under her eyes that she didn’t have a good night sleep at all. I felt pity to mommy but she never complained about it.

Before I am married to my man, those stories were not remembered in my mind at all but as I turned out to be a woman and living far away from my mother; these stories have changed to be impeccable as I will bear in mind that they were the evidence that my mom is the best mom in the world for better or worse. My love towards her is growing stronger every day.

My mother’s name is Nur Azian Bt Abdul Manaff. When we needed a friend or help that always came free. Her personality gives us our strength and our sense of humour. In my eyes, I am just like my mom. I can only hope that one day my children will respect me and have the relationship with me that I have with my mom. I think that in the last few years I have stopped looking at my mother as an authority figure. I now look at her as a best friend. I love my mother very much. She is, and always will be, my hero. Happy Mother’s day! ( I hope you will read this mom)

Last but not least, borrowing the Kari Keshmiry’s poetry;

MORE THAN A MOTHER

When God set the world in place,
when He hung the stars up in space,
when He made the land and the sea,then He made you and me.

He sat back and saw all that was good,
He saw things to be as they should.
Just one more blessing He had in store;
He created a mother, but whatever for?

He knew a mother would have a special place to shine His reflection on her child's face.
A mother will walk the extra mile just to see her children smile.
She'll work her fingers to the bone to make a house into a home.

A mother is there to teach and guide,
a mother will stay right by your side.
She'll be there through your pain and strife,
she'll stay constant in your life.

A mother will lend a helping hand
until you have the strength to stand.
She'll pick you up when you are down,
when you need a friend she'll stick around.
A mother is one who listens well,
will keep her word; will never tell
A mother never pokes or pries but stands quietly by your side,
giving you the strength you need,encouraging you to succeed.
A mother is one who can be strong when you need someone to lean on.
You're more than a mother to me;
a reflection of Him in your face I see,
a love that knows no boundaries.
I'm glad that you chose to be all this and more to me.
You share a love that knows no end,
you're more than my mother,you are my friend.


2 comments:

  1. wow..u've gone through a LOT!

    ReplyDelete
  2. is it? I don't feel it that way because my mother never treat me like a sick girl when I was sick. I think i'm just normal.hehe..hey,, im not the main story here though.. :-) It's my MOM !!!

    ReplyDelete