Sometimes when he’s not around at home because of the duty at hospital, I feel so lonely and I mean it.
I used to be happy when I have my own sweet time when no one disturbs my so-called “isolated world”. I could watch a movie marathon from morning till late evening. I would enjoy every single bit of my precious me- time.
But, now... everything has changed.
I don’t need my spare time so much as it would make my day worthless.
I suppose I am ready now to share my love with another person instead of my lovely husband. It’s not that my husband did not give enough love or whatsoever because he already gave me more that what I’ve wanted from him. After all, he’s my best man and my BFF.
All that I want now is to have a baby. I want it badly. A small creature of God that can do wonders to the world, a new person that could bring sunshine and happiness to both of us. Every time when we went out with his friends, they would bring along their children and I could not stop myself from imagining myself holding our own baby too.
Last week, as I waited at a pedestrian crossing, I saw a mother pushing a young toddler in a buggy came up alongside her. I tried to appear unmoved as the little girl caught my eyes and grinned, the child’s huge black eyes, high pony-tail curly hair and cute dimples making it impossible for me not to smile back. All happened too quickly and I straightened up and tried to look away, and when the pedestrian lights eventually went green I marched determinedly across the road, leaving the mother and child for dust.
I have always been a daughter to my mother. At this time I crave for a role of a mother as a substitute. Being a mother is the most important and the toughest job anyone will ever have. I do not expect everyone who reads my story to agree with me. I am very opinionated, but I believe that mothering is based on logic, instinct, intuition and lots of love.
Perhaps the time will come soon for both of us to become parents. Insya –Allah..