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Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Time is a circus, always packing up and moving away; 'Ben Hecht'

Tick tock ticking...

The clock is ticking..and it will never stop. . it’s about 1p.m and I was at office doing my work.. when I saw there were few missed calls from ummi..” oh, this must be something urgent I guessed” i called her..................

I smiled joyfully. It’s the call that I’ve been waiting for the rest of my life..:-)

Tick tock ticking...

I’ve been watching the pendulum for several minutes before ummi called up my name to join her for tea time with abah and the rest...

I have safely arrived home and still waiting patiently for a dear husband to come back and join us at table..

Owh..it has been a while i feel exhausted almost all the time.. Office tasks have taken out most of my energy and my ample time ..and have affected my monthly visit to johor bahru..i miss my parents dearly..

Dear husband..I just want to whisper close to your ear and tell you a secret..

I have bought a ticket..and I am ready to depart now..

it’s time to say goodbye to those who have helped me a lot throughout this journey..those who gave pieces of their heart and willing to share laughter and sorrow with me...those who have inspired me.. and those who become part of the stories in my life...

A new day has come for me..A new day that will promise a better future.

Tick tock...tick tock..

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


tolong ajar saya apa itu cinta kerana saya tidak mengerti maksudnya. tolong ajar saya romantik kerana saya juga tidak pernah memahaminya.

apa yang saya tahu saya ada seorang kawan yang telah menjadi sebahagian darinya dan dia juga menjadi sebahagian dari saya. kami bergilir-gilir demam, sekarang giliran saya demam dan dia menjaga saya.

saya suka solat bila dia menjadi imam..saya suka menghayati bacaannya dan juga mengenal pasti tajwidnya..
saya suka bila kami berusaha keras bersama-sama untuk membina keluarga ..

dan kami juga mempunyai banyak pendapat..perbezaan pendapat..dan itu yang telah menjadikan saya lebih dewasa kerana saya berfikir..saya suka berfikir bersama-samanya..

bila terlihat dia..bayangan saya terlihat pada ayah di kala muda. bersungguh-sungguh membuat sesuatu kerja, selalu mengajar saya menjadi manusia berguna..dan mendidik saya tanpa jemu.. dia suka menonton saluran pendidikan dan saluran sejarah..saling tak tumpah seperti ayah..saya tak pernah rindu untuk melihat AF? dan salurann tv yang pada fikiran kami tidak mendatangkan faedah..saya suka kerana saya sekarang adalah apa yang ayah saya impikan....

kadangkala..kami bertanya sesama sendiri..apa itu cinta? dan kami masih lagi tidak bertemu jawapan..

tapi saya suka memberitahunya..saya cintakan Allah lebih daripada saya cinta kamu. dan saya juga mahu kamu cintakanNya lebih daripada kamu menyintai saya.. dan itulah sebenar-benarnya definisi cinta yang hakiki.. semoga dengan cinta kita berdua pada Ilahi...akan mempertemukan kita semula di alam abadi...Amin..

dan dia pasti akan tarik hidung saya supaya menjadi lebih mancung..ngeh ngeh ngeh..(macam la boleh jadi mancung)

stretch your face..and smile ^_^

I was a bit moody at work today.I had a terrible headache, a never ending cough rhythm, my phlegm are in green colour, still having fever and I had a mountain list of tasks on my desk as I arrived. I was shocked and pretty mad and it totally hit directly to my heart... There were lots of thinking then.. I kept myself to think positive and be optimistic for each second and I failed.

By being the only girl in my team that means there’s no exception..I have to work like a man. But hey, that means you have to treat me like a man too! There was something not good happened today and I better seal my mouth tight. A gigantic volcano might explode if that human being says just one another word to me again. I am not going to surrender if I know I am on the right path. But sadly, I had accidentally screamed to my colleague...and he is my good mate.. You were at a wrong place and at a wrong time buddy.. please forgive me.. Oh ok.. enough about work.

Just circa 3 p.m. when the lady janitor who always clean my place came by to do her routine work..I was moved to stop doing my work, and stare at her..She is so young to travel across the sea and to work in such a big city.. I could see a serene and tranquil face on her.. and it made my heart warm again..she said politely to me as she saw me staring at her “ kak,,bisa ketepi ya..saya mahu bersih meja dan bakulnya’.. Then only I gave her the most sincere smile that I could afford to give today.. she replied back with a warm smile..and suddenly..immediately... I felt at peace.. it’s hard to describe but I know it came from my heart and brought the energy through all my nerves. I know from that point that even though I cannot afford to give her big amount of money..the least i can do is to give her a sincere smile..And it does make me smile untill now.

Not long after that I went to my colleague’s desk and said my sorry to him. I felt guilty to scream at him; he is so naive and kind. I better have to smile everyday to all janitors in Oriental Plaza’s building onwards. The moral of the story is be good to everybody because by being good you will feel good from inside and your sparkle eyes will show that.


but mr XX.. I will surely be alert next time on your not-that-funny-at-all jokes on people. My dad taught me well. Never play joke to people because it’s rude and it will only show your weakness that you are trying to hide.

In the end, you had revealed it and everybody knows now.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Okakura kakuzo..Thank you

As I flipped through the book I am reading now..suddenly I saw a sentence that tear my heart apart.It reminds me on how to purify our soul and mind, be good to others and an awareness to avoid fight that will bring disadvantages.. This really is a reminder for me to think posistive, always...

So here it goes..as Okakura Kakuzo says in his book on the Japanese tea ceremony :

'We see evil in others because we know the evil in ourselves. We never forgive those who wound us because we believe that we would never be forgiven. We say the painful truth to others because we want to hide it from ourselves. We show our strength, so that no one can see our frailty. That is why, whenever you judge your brother, be aware that it is you who is in the dock '

akmar..it's time for you to forgive everyone now..those who once considered your nightmare,
akmar...be charitable to others cause people around you are charitable to you...
akmar...just be good..just be good...it's a good investment..

dear Allah..please let me be a good human being that will never hurt others  ..Amin

Tuesday, April 20, 2010


Everyone has a great story to tell..and I don’t have any..

I’m just following my schedule everyday till I fall asleep on my bed and will start again my routine on the next day. It’s quite simple and ordinary for a married 25 year old girl. I wanted to do more in life..it’s not like I want to be popular or get involved in politics..i just want to do something that I love, be in a place that I want to live, and to work in a lovely working environment..i just want to be satisfied in what I do and I think I just have not found it yet.

My dear little sister has already finished her last paper yesterday..and that certainly ring a bell to my head that this is the end of our happy-life-together time in kuala lumpur. She needs to be send back home to where she belongs. (this sounds like a puppy to be send back to its owner.^_^) .

On the other hands, I was surprised to hear my elder sister will be transferred to Penang for about 2 years. My parents are getting old and they need companionship at home. I have to be realistic to come to the term of the fact that I cannot be there all the time to accompany them, and when Ani has to move to Penang, that means our house will be officially empty. Mama and papa will be lonely, and that keeps playing on my mind now.. They always talk about their cats so much and I understand it well. It’s crystal clear that all their children have grown up and there’s no one at home to be ‘yell at’.

On one point I am sad my sister will be permanently fly back to JB and live there again, hence I have no one to play with on every weekend…but on the other part,, I am greatly happy that we can hear more sounds at home, and see extra faces at home..(oh yeah..i have to include belang and adik as well..but forgive me mama and papa..they are not human ^_^).

I believe belang and adik have played a major role at home to accompany my dad’s and mom’s spare time…but by shamin coming back home again.. they will be a parents again..and I 100% sure they will love it too.. it will bring such a big joy to my home now.. Oh..go shamin..go!! make mama and papa happy there! ( I am a bit emotional here because I used to be the one who always made my mom and my dad turned crazy to handle me)..daddy needs extra effort and time to teach me on how to cook… and mommy needs to consistently tell me to behave well and be nice to everyone..and oh,, to BE PUNCTUAL AND NEVER LATE.. 

And my dear ani..if the the decision has been made ,,and it’s true you are going to stay in Penang..listen this
“ Please take a good care of yourself..eat well..slepp well..cause I know you well ; you are a cry baby and you will immediately feel homesick once your feet landed on the land of Penang.” 

Tuesday, April 6, 2010


Sometimes we will get a gift box without knowing what is inside it. Maybe it’s a stunning musical box or maybe it’s roses..Maybe it’s roses with lots of thorns that will tear your soft hands. You might just not know..

Some people will have plenty of choices and options to be made..but to few people they do not have any and the saddest part is they have to take anything provided to them and will be forever bonded to those who gave them such opportunity. It also include to do whatever they want you to do even though people will call them being hypocrite.

Life has so many colors..but I preferably love pink and white because it’s such a soft and nice color that will make me feel happy and calm when looking at it. It gave me a peace and tranquil feeling. But somehow.. Sometimes.. We cannot desert the black or grey color because it completes the overall picture or portrait on canvas…And hopefully the outcome will be such a fine-looking one. The hope is still there…

I'm babbling and just do not know why..

Friday, April 2, 2010

kaki dan kasut (jangan dipisahkan)

Kaki mar sakit sangat-sangat.

Hari-hari jalan jauh dari rumah ke LRT.  2 hari lepas abg fuad nampak kaki mar luka dan pecah-pecah. Mar tak perasan sebab sibuk sangat dengan urusan rumah dan kerjaya.

Jadi semalam abang fuad bawa mar pergi beli kasut tanpa tumit. Mar suka sangat. Kasut ni selesa dan kaki mar tak sakit lagi.

Terima kasih abang fuad. :-)

Thursday, April 1, 2010


dear akmar
please hold your tears ..
and don't cry.....

so many memories flew  back and knocked my head..
it's just a mix feeling..
and i believe it's not real..
Go away..coz i don't need you

Wake up and see the world
The things you have now are the best things you ever dream of..
Be grateful to God for His mercy on you..
And believe it.. It’s true

dear akmar
please hold your tears ..
and don't cry.....