Usually when people tired, they sleep. When I am tired, I write.
But then, I paused a while, I don’t know what I should write today. My inner voice said I should write no matter how I feel now. I realized something has happened and changed my character...
I never realized that one day I could make my own decision. It was totally something out of my mind if you are referring to my previous life. Mommy always decide for me what I should wear, what I should do, how I should comb my hair, how I should walk, what color is nicer for my skin etc. I never blamed my mother. She did what she thought best for her daughter.
I always feel satisfied being a follower and let people decide for me. I did not like to shop alone because I need people’s suggestion on what is best for me. Hence I would drag my sisters or sometimes my friends to accompany me and provide me with the best suggestion that they could give. Oh, I feel pity to myself when recalling back those time. I was helpless...
I constantly need assurance from people around me to the certain extent I would do what they thought best for me, I would wear what they thought looks good on me...I followed majority’s voice since I didn’t express my idea. I was so tiny in myself..
The time is over. I am not going to revenge on my past and point my finger to anyone. I should have been aware of my desire, my thoughts and have studied my potential before.. Since married to a busy man, I have plenty of time to decide on my own. I have to think the risk and the benefit of every decision to be made. The consequences of my decision will affect me, my marriage and my family, therefore I have to be extra careful whenever the situation arises and I have to make a quick and good decision.
I have been practicing it recently. The best decision is when it brings the highest benefit to us.
My colleagues and I have a field work tomorrow morning nearby Port Klang. It is going to be a long journey indeed. I have to be there sharp at 9 a.m. On the other hand, I don't want to sleep because I enjoy watching commonwealth games at astro supersport channel. The Malaysia team is playing badminton. Malaysia Boleh!
I know what I want now and I have decided it. I don’t feel sleepy but I have to sleep now. By calculating on the pros and cons, it’s best to sleep at this instant given that I have to wake up at 5 in the morning.
Hooray! I successfully made a best decision for myself!
The light is off. Goodnight everyone. Have a nice sleep.
Start counting sheep if you can’t sleep . :-)
~A letter with love~