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Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Second Child Syn.....

Not writing is not an option. Not writing is like telling me I can’t perform one of the most basic functions that keep me alive. Because it is me. It’s how I cope, it’s how I process.

Being a second child in the family was a bit traumatized experience to me as a child. I had a hard time before. Believe me. I had to struggle to get all the attention from mom and dad. I was behaving quite badly. And I did not know how mom could survive those times. I sincerely felt pity to mom. She had a rough time too during that period…

When you became aware of your first pregnancy, you probably were exuberant and did everything right from avoiding caffeine and to taking your vitamins at the right time. Then your child came into this world, and every moment was captured on camera, right from the time she opened her eyes, to the time she first held your finger in her hand, when she first tried to stand, then walk, her first day at school, so on and so forth. She was the joy of your life.

Then came the news of your second pregnancy. Happy you were, but not enthusiastic. You forgot to avoid the caffeine, and forgot to take a dose of your multivitamins. When he came into the world, you managed to click a couple of his photographs, but every first of his was not as joyful and exciting as your first child's.

Normally, with the first child, everything is new, every experience is unique. As a parent, you are naturally driven to capture every moment, to applaud every achievement, and to generally create beautiful memories with the apple of your eye. Then, when your second child arrives, the experience is not so new. You've been there, done that. So what if your second child stood up for the first time, you've seen that before. However, it is still a first for him, isn't it? But because you've seen all this you probably fail to recognize this, and many more such achievements throughout, that make him feel less recognized and unworthy. He may thus also begin to develop resentful feelings for his sibling, which may lead to sibling rivalry.

Throughout this pregnancy, I have been doing a lot of thinking. Hopefully I could detect the signs earlier. Or maybe I could avoid it from happening to our second child.

Because you can't seem to show the same excitement about your second child, as you do with your first-born, he is likely to develop certain 'second child traits' so that your attention will be drawn towards them.

Sometimes a second child tends to do things that get him into trouble, simply as a way of seeking attention from his parents.

 They don’t like a comparison to his older sibling. We must not say 'why can't you be like your brother/sister?', because this will further prompt him to behave otherwise.

He is likely to do things that get him into trouble, simply as a way of seeking attention from you. Don't allow it all the time, but don't constantly reprimand him for it either.


 You may face a negative attitude, a lot of sarcasm, and persistent anger from him. However, we have to maintain our patience in such situations. These are walls he has built around himself that we can break through only over time with lots of love and affection.


As a second child, I accepted all flaws from my parents. Who does not make mistakes in life? Books are my close friends since I was a kid. I read motivational books on how to motivate myself, build my inner strength and believe in the beauty of every person.  At one point, I fell blessed with all those experience. It made me of who I am today. I am more positive in handling problems or difficult situations. Rivalry, showing off your life is better than others, and anything similar to that do not get my attention. I put family values as my main priority. There is nothing more essential than having family support throughout the journey of your life. I learned a lesson the hard way, but I don’t choose vengeance as a solution.

Our time has come when both of us have decided to have a second child. Our time and love are   going to be divided between both of our kids. It is natural for your first-born to have got all your attention because he was the only child around. Now, with a second one, we are bound to pay equal attention to both, and obviously, this time it is going to be lesser than the amount we gave our first-born. I need to try my best to figure out how we can manage our time so that our little one gets enough love and attention from us, and so that we can prevent the development of this syndrome.

Dear Allah, please make everything ease for us, and guide us to be a better parents; an Unbiased and a rational one…Amin..

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