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Thursday, September 4, 2014

Positif dan negatif adalah satu arah. Arah mana yang kita pilih ?





Harini mar buka balik tengok komen komen di blog mar ni dan baca semula beberapa ‘entry’ mar yang lepas lepas..Rasa 6 tahun tu cepat sangat berlalu pergi..

Mar tengok ada perubahan daripada segi penulisan mar. Mar tak pasti kalau ada yang lain perasan tentang ni. Mungkin sekarang fasa mar telah berbeza. Cara pemikiran tu mungkin terbawa bawa ke dalam gaya penulisan mar.

Dulu dulu mar masih tercari cari erti kehidupan, mengorak langkah dalam mencari kerjaya yang paling bersesuaian dengan mar, tercari cari apa yang mar ingingkan dalam kehidupan ini dan mar dulu hidup dalam era zaman berbulan madu dengan suami.

Hingga kini, kestabilan itu telah ditemui.Apa yang dicari cari itu telah dijumpai.Alhamdulillah..
Mar sangat optimis dan terbuka dalam mencari erti kebahagiaan. Dengan kebahagiaan sahaja kita boleh terus bersemangat untuk menggerakkan jentera badan dan mental untuk meneruskan perjalanan kehidupan. Di sepanjang pencarian itu, mungkin ada beberapa halangan yang perlu kita tempuhi. Itu sudah pasti. Pelangi itukan hadir setelah hujan..

Kita merancang, tetapi sebaik baik perancang adalah yang Maha Merancang. Jujur mar katakan, walaupun mar adalah pelajar jurusan Telekomunikasi Engineering, sebenarnya ada beberapa mata pelajaran yang mar agak lemah. Walaupun mar sangat minat pada nombor dan matematik, tapi sebagai contoh, matematik level 4 pada mar amat mencabar… :-( dan ada juga beberapa matapelajaran yang mar sangat minat, hinggakan buku nota mar masih disimpan hingga ke lewat usia 20-an ini.. 

Kalau bukan Raihan yang paksa mar ambil certificate CISCO masa di Universiti dulu, memang rasanya mar tidak akan ambil kursus tersebut ketika semua pelajar yang lain lena diulit mimpi yang indah semasa cuti semester kami yang dulu. Mar perlu sangat berterima kasih pada Raihan sebab berjaya paksa mar. Buku tebal seberat hampir 3kg itu masih tersusun rapi di rak  buku di lamari rumah kami.

Subhanallah..masa mar mula mula bekerja di syarikat YTL untuk projek YES 4G, mar sebenarnya bukan pun ditawarkan kerja sebagai Planner atau Engineer. Jawatan mar ketika itu adalah Project Documentation Executive. Memang sebenarnya terlalu jauh tersimpang dengan apa yang mar pelajari ketika di universiti. Mar tak berjaya untuk diserapkan ke dalam posisi Engineer kerana alasan diberi    “ kami hanya menawarkan jawatan tersebut kepada lelaki. Banyak bumbung bangunan perlu dipanjat”.

Mar memang redha, tapi mar tak berputus asa. Tidak sesekali…walaupun jauh di sudut hati sedihnya tak terperi. Jadi, disamping pertama kali mar belajar ilmu Microsoft Excel ketika itu untuk membuat sistem Tracking, mar bawa semua buku buku berkenaan “mobile networking”, “antenna” “data communication “ dan buku yang paling berat 3kg ‘CISCO” Semua nota nota pelajaran mar dibuka kembali. Sangat sibuk mar menelaah pelajaran persis mahu mengambil peperiksaan.

Kemudian, mar mula merapatkan diri dengan engineer engineer dan planners di situ, bertanya selok belok perihal kerja, dimana kesemuanya adalah para lelaki. Minat mar semakin menebal. Kemudian mar minta kepada pihak atasan untuk membenarkan mar ikut serta ke site site di atas bangunan sekitar Kuala Lumpur untuk mendapatkan kemahiran teknikal di site. Mula mulanya memang ditentang hebat, tapi sebab mungkin mar ni agak keras kepala, mar pujuk juga untuk memberi kebenaran kepada mar untuk kerja di luar. Alhamdulillah, beberapa minggu mar di site, cinta pandang pertama pun mula berputik dan tiada lagi jalan untuk toleh ke belakang.

Di pejabat, semakin kerap mar membuat ulangkaji berkenaan IP Planning sehingga tiba tiba majikan mar di pihak atasan yang datang melawat ke pejabat kami, ternampak mar menelaah pelajaran di kotak kecil cubicle mar. penuh wara warni buku nota mar ketika itu dengan mulut terkumat kamit membuat kiraan subnet, dan juga bilangan host beserta network yang boleh didapati.

Cerita dipendekkan, maka bermula lah perjalanan mar diserapkan ke dalam bahagian IP Planning. Ketika itu, projek itu baru sahaja hendak mula berjalan dan tiada siapa yang dapat menguruskan bahagian Ip Planning untuk setiap pemasangan antenna dan radio di site. Itulah tugas mar selama setahun di syarikat tersebut. Cinta mar bercambah dari hari ke hari dan tidak pernah pudar walau sekelumit perasaan. Meeting bersama pihak CISCO , penyelia mar lepaskan mar begitu sahaja. Ya Allah, mar masih ingat jelas lagi perasaan berkobar kobar ketika itu. Apabila kita mencintai sesuatu pekerjaan yang kita lakukan itu, kebahagiaan akan dikecapi dan membawa erti kepada sebuah perjalanan kehidupan kita setiap hari.

Kemudian, atas sebab sebab tertentu, mar kini berpindah ke syarikat telekomunikasi jalur lebar yang paling diminati pelajar lepasan university mengikut statistic yang dikeluarkan pada tahun 2014 baru baru ini. Bila sudah terbiasa dengan suasana kerja “mobile network” , mar memang ketika mula mula menghadapi situasi emosi yang bercampur baur untuk berpindah kepada suasana kerja “wired network”.

2 tahun pertama mar ketika di tempatkan di unit NGND, mar agak sukar mencari keserasian. Mar paksa diri mar untuk mencari cinta dalam kerja mar, tapi nampaknya tidak berjaya sepenuhnya.Ketika itu mar perlu memindahkan network PSTN kepada Ip based network iaitu NGN di site site di bahagian Central. Tapi satu perkara yang mar belajar; untuk bekerja dalam tekanan dan menguruskan rakan rakan dalam kumpulan untuk memberi hasil kerja yang terbaik. Ya Allah, sebenarnya itulah core basic concept dalam kerja yang sangat mar perlukan walau di mana sahaja mar akan bekerja selepas ini.

Sehingga selepas 2 tahun , mar ditawarkan untuk diserapkan ke dalam unit core. Bagai bulan jatuh ke riba. Ketika itu mar baru sahaja mengandungkan Fadwa. Mar diminta untuk buat kerja pejabat bahagian documentation apabila mendapat tahu mar banyak komplikasi semasa mengandung. Mar suka sangat walaupun duduk di pejabat sahaja, tetapi banyak ilmu networking mar mula pelajari semula. Bagai bersatu semula dengan cinta hati…

Awal tahun ini, mar dipindahkan sekali lagi ke dalam Core Unit bahagian Networking. Kini, mar kembali semula ke site tetapi kini tertumpu kepada Lab R&D di Cyberjaya. Senyum mar kembali semula bertaut. Dulu mar pernah berjenaka dengan boss mar kini agar mar satu hari nanti dapat bekerja bersamanya supaya semua ilmu networking dan juga IP addressing dapat beliau diturunkan kepada mar. Allah itu Maha Mendengar dan Maha Penyayang, kini mar bekerja di bawahnya. Masih banyak ilmunya yang mar mahu pelajari.

Setelah 4 tahun berpusing pusing dan bergelut dengan setiap cabaran tugas yang diberi, akhirnya ketika ini, mar menemui semula cinta sejati mar dalam bidang networking dan juga IP Planning. Syukur syukur sangat Ya Allah. Betapa besarnya syarikat ini, dan betapa ramainya pekerja di sini, akhirnya mar ditempatkan pada pekerjaan yang paling mar gemari, tiada apa lagi yang mampu katakana melainkan bersyukur. Insya Allah, mar akan bekerja dengan lebih bersungguh sungguh untuk menimba ilmu di dada. 

Kerana kebahagiaan itu telah ditemui…

Moralnya jangan cepat memandang negatif setiap perkara yang terjadi dalam kehidupan kita kerana apa yang Allah susun tu adalah untuk menjadikan kita lebih tabah dan kuat dan mungkin dengan setiap persinggahan yang kita lalui itu adalah satu pelajaran yang perlu kita timba untuk menjadikan kita manusia yang lebih cemerlang pada masa hadapan, Insya Allah. Asasnya Cuma satu, jangan mudah berputus asa, dan jangan lupa menadah tangan kepada Pencipta untuk memohon bantuan, Taufik dan Hidayah. Insya Allah








My precious jewels..





You sleep, with your angelic face that has turned strong
You sleep, your tiny hands are almost as big as mine.
I touch them in amazement at how they have grown.
I lie beside you, put my cheek next to your red straight hair,
Once so soft. Pop, now you're a little man!
And I breathe you in, and I love being your Mom

You sleep, with your angelic face that is pure beauty.
You sleep your legs now so long and strong.
You sleep, my little girl that is not so little,
As I run my fingers in your beautiful blonde curly hair
where for so long it seemed, there was none!
And I breathe you in, and I love being your Mom


My precious jewels,
This month, they both will turn 1 and 3.

Fariss,

3 years and 9 months ago, I was laughed out in tears knowing that I was expecting you. We have tried about a year to conceive you. You are truly a miracle baby.

From the first day you were born, you have brought me nothing but pure joy since that very first moment. Watching you grow, absorbing the world around you, inquisitive and delighted to learn, I’m reminded each day of the treasure you bring into my world.

I wish for the kind heart I see you in now to stay firmly in place.  Keep it, nurture it, and handle it with care.  Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you are too sensitive. You are the first to hold your sister’s hand when she is scared, the one to hug me tightly when I cried.

Be a student.  Be a teacher.  Learn at every opportunity.  Read. Be inquisitive. Ask. And when you know something and know it well – teach others.  Do not hoard your knowledge, your gifts – share them.  There is inherent beauty in being both student and teacher.  It is a gift to learn and a privilege to teach.

Fariss, you are what bliss looks like in a little boy.  You are dirty and messy, you snuggle and love me.

And nothing gets to me more than hearing you say, “I love you, my Mommy”. Thank you, sweet, small dude – for completing our family.

I will always love you, my buddy.













Fadwa,

When you were born, I was so taken by your dark hair and those big hands crawling over my chest searching for your first nutrition, I couldn’t bear to look away. You were so energetic from the first day of your existence in this world.

I now find myself having a similar experience.  While you have grown from a helpless infant to an  ‘I can do it’ toddling toddler to the independent little treasure you are now, I have often held my breath, hoping I would know when to hold your hand and when to stand behind you with a little push. 

When I look into your eyes, I see possibilities.  You truly believe ANYTHING can happen.

And that is magic….

You are this beautiful little soul.  From you I have learned patience, I have experienced family, and I have evolved.  I am a better person for having you in my life.

Mommy is wishing you a million days that reflect the possibilities you see.

I love you with all my heart.








All my life I told you that my blessings were always with you. But over time I have realized that it was me who was blessed in the first place to have a son and a daughter like you.



Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Inside every person you know, a person you don't know..



Hopefully this will be my last day of working on VPLS per EPE Spoke Peering at this R&D place so called my second office for this year. Phew, it has been a while, definitely.

Looking over the high glass window in this lab, make me thinking of someone, someone that I rarely speak about lately, someone that I miss dearly, someone who stole my heart previously..Nowadays ,he spent most of the days at hospital with his pile of books. May you be blessed by God with a major success in pursuing what you love to do  most my dear.

Next topic:
Being me; I understand myself clearly. It is just as simple as A. B, C.

I am quite an ordinary COMPLICATED woman. That is me.

Sometimes, some people also had their hard times to understand me. Been raised up in the family, I seldom being misjudged for things I have done, for things I spoke to them, for the way I talked to them, when clearly my main intention is the other way. I had to ask their forgiveness millions of times, begging them to forgive me, for the things I’ve done that have hurt their utmost feelings, when in truth, I did that to make them happy, to be proud of, or maybe I just don’t like to tell everything to others, because sometimes all that I want is to keep some little things only to myself..or maybe being independent or trying to be one is a new definition of guilty act to several people.. 

Being me somehow is not easy…..
Until he found me.

It happened out of nowhere, we were separated by thousands kilometers of distance. I was in the heart of Kuala Lumpur pursuing my study, while he was in the place, where the noble man Mahatma Gandhi was born who later became the inspired movements for civil rights and freedom across the world. He was in India.

He first met me on the internet, thru Friendster. The rest were just like picking up the missing pieces of puzzle to get the picture complete.

He came to rescue me, when I did not believe in love anymore. He came to find me, when I was in my most terrified moment of life. He came to accept me, when all that I ever wanted to do was to run away from him, or any man in this world. He came to my life to love me unconditionally, when he knew clearly that I am a very complicated woman. He came to my life, and raise me up to more that I can be..

How could I ever not to love you? 

I am still dumbfounded by the great affection you have on me and the endurance to accept my flaws that you still have until today.

I know loving me has never been easy, it is always hard to tame a wild fire (sob sob sob) , but being there watching my back , listening to me and taking care of me when I was down, I can’t thank you enough . But most importantly, thank you, thank you for loving me the way you do. Because, nobody could love me the way you do. Thank you Abang Fuad..

I can see through my window pane the rain has started to fall, and a tear started up and wet my face.. 

I am sorry; it is just too emotional recently with the things happened around me..

I just want to appreciate this opportunity and moment of giving and loving each other.

Words will not be able to ever express how sorry I am for this, and I have profound regret and sorrow
for the multitude of mistakes and harm I have caused. Sorry for I accidentally hurt your feelings; strangers, families and friends..

* Bukan senang untuk buat semua happy. ... sob sob *