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Thursday, November 12, 2015

Goodbye D



Well hello there?

Every time when I actually started to write, I know it has been a while.

Basically, Fuad and I are officially at a new phase of life. Our maid had run away, and we only knew the news when her cousin called us to inform on her latest update.  I am currently a mom of two without a helper. Please excuse me for schmoozing about this. I never had an experience handling my two kids without a helper, and I was always mesmerized and adore my friends and mothers out there who can survive without a helper.

D was our maid. We love her dearly and we even recognized her as part of family. I asked my kids to refer her as kakak, because she is my family. I was bit regret because she hid it from us. After all, we are a family, don't we ? If I knew it, I would congratulate her or maybe we could fly to Medan to witness the ceremony. I don’t know how to react at first. I cried silently in my room after I ended my telephone conversation with Kak Suci; her so called cousin.

We need to make a decision. The kids need to be sent to kindergarten/pre-school/playschool for someone to look after them when we both are working. We made some visits to 3 pre-schools who can accept them both. It was never an easy job to make this crucial decision. Hence, we have narrowed down 2 schools who we think are the best for Fariss and Fadwa. Furthermore, they both don’t need to be separated and we are relieved to hear that.

Fuad and I are still adjusting to these new changes in our life. I am handling the household chores with Fuad. The kitchen area is my part, the laundry part I leave it to Fuad since he is doing it like a pro. We will do the vacuum thingy and overall cleaning every weekend. Fuad and I are a bit fussy regarding cleanliness. We love to see everything is organized and in order. Hence, I am in a right team, Thank God.
What I discovered when we started to live without a helper are:

1.       I have more privacy space with my husband. (He can kiss me on my cheek whenever he wants to)
2.       It makes my kids more independent on their own without relying solely from their ‘kakak’.
3.       The four of us have become a ‘team’ literally. The kids want to help us with our chores, and we help to assist them in any ways possible.
4.       Fadwa has become clingier than ever with me. She used to be so closed with her kakak that sometimes I felt so envious with their bonding.
5.       I think I am now in a better shape and figure from all the fats and calories burned from the ‘exercise’ I did at home. It is only a duplex condo, but running up and down ,cleaning the toilets, chasing the kids , put the kids in the toilet to bath and clean them, etc are just similar like doing squats, pushups or jump squats hahaha.

I am trying to become more organize so that I won’t feel too stressful to handle everything on my own. At the first few weeks, I was so demotivated and down, I would cried easily if I am too tired. My dad saw this shortcoming, so he drove his car from JB to calm me down with his soothing words. I felt so overwhelmed and loved by my parents. Changing to a new phase in life is never easy. I don’t want to lose this battle. If some working moms out there that I know could handle these tasks and responsibilities smoothly, why can’t I?

So D, I don’t want to hold a grudge over you. I don't want to live in hatred.. It doesn’t make me a better person. So I forgive you.Thank you for your help over these years. I hope we have treated you well. I wish you all the best.

P/s : The kids have recently discharged from the hospital due to food poisoning . We are now currently staying at my MIL’s house. The real challenge will await us next week. Please pray for the smooth sailing journey of our life.  Fariss, Fadwa, mama and babah love you both so much. Mama knows we can all handle and cope this together !

I honestly think, writing is a good way to keep me on track and sane . I can voice out what my inner heart  feels. I am just hoping that I will have more time like this, sitting quietly without a distraction, and happily dancing with my 10 little fingers.

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